June 4, 2016

I know they say that time flies but this is sort of ridiculous. When we picked a date for our wedding all those months ago it felt like an unfathomable amount of time. A solid bit of distance between our future and the present. It made me feel comfortable as I have a tendency to post pone and procrastinate to the last minute. It's a terrible habit but one in which I attribute the majority of my success now to as I work best under pressure. Still we hired a planner after weeks of it feeling as if we had all the time in the world to do so. I didn't want to deal with the stress that I'd heard horror stories about and handing over the reigns into her more capable hands eliminated the bulk of it.

We were free to continue to focus on the day to day grind. Life proceeded as normal. I found my dress at the second place we looked. A few weeks later my bridesmaids had made their choices. My pastor and his rabbi agreed to do the service. It was all coming together without a hitch. Spared the chaos and behind the scenes details it was easy to see it as something we were continuously working towards. A shared goal, ten years in the making that we were eventually going to accomplish. But then we had our engagement parties and my bridal shower. Last weekend was spent apart dedicated to bachelor and bachelorette shenanigans organized by our closest friends. In two weeks we will be walking down the aisle. Mission accomplished.

I worry that it went by too fast. That I wasted my prep time. I'm panicking because I thought I'd be better wife material before now. That I'd stop routinely falling asleep during our conversations at night and learn to make him meals that don't involve pancakes, tacos or pasta - the entirety of my cooking range. That the rock on my finger would somehow morph me into the sort of girl that's worthy to wear it. As we speak I have yet to write my vows. The task nearly a year in the making left blank. Not by choice as I've attempted several time. Words have never really been my strong suite and everything I come up either seems vastly inappropriate or infantile. Epic failure is what I am. Clearly, I may not be as good as the bride he deserves but I'm the one he's got so I'll do my best. For better or for worse right? Here comes to bride.